Traversing TechSex: benefits and risks in digitally mediated sex and relationships

Keywords: digital sexual literacy, digital technologies, internet, online pornography, online safety, sexting, sexual health promotion, sexual practices.

Digital technologies increasingly play a part in people’s sex lives and relationships via dating apps, social media and internet-enabled communication.^1–3 Smartphones and other devices equipped with cameras mean digitally mediated sex is highly accessible and phones/devices are commonly used for meeting potential lovers, sending messages, ‘chatting’, sharing sexualised images (‘sexting’), communicating via video, and accessing pornography.^2–4

There is now a large body of research dedicated to understanding the social, health, legal and emotional impact of sex-related uses of digital technologies. Much of this work has focused on risks and dangers, such as concerns about public health implications, including increased rates of sexually transmissible infections (STIs), resulting from popularity of dating and hook-up apps,^5–7 and safety implications, such as sexual violence linked to image-based abuse⁸ and non-consensual exposure of sexual images (‘revenge porn’).⁹ In recent decades, there has also been high-profile public debates in Australia, and internationally, centred on mental health, legal and safety concerns about young people sending sexual self-images (‘sexting’, naked or sexual ‘selfies’).^10–13 More recently, law reform, including the recent Australian Online Safety Act 2021, has been enacted in response to harms arising from non-consensual dissemination of sexual images, cyber-stalking, digital harassment and online sexual violence.^14–17 Although such laws are important to address serious harms, their introduction has raised concern that the dominant focus on risk and danger in both policy and research could lead to censorship or curtailment of consensual online sexual activity or content.¹⁸ Further, digital sexual literacy education is likely to be more effective if education about risk is balanced with recognition of reasons why people use digital technologies in their sex and intimate lives, and that pleasure or sexual connection gained via technologies is important for many people.^19–21

Partially in response to these concerns, there is an emerging body of literature exploring the unique role that digital technologies play in facilitating sexual intimacy.^{4,10,20,22,23} This research has shown how smartphones enable people to communicate spontaneously and intimately with long-distance lovers,¹ or to share images or words that express sexual desire, pleasure or affection.^1,2,24 Conversations via email or text messages can also facilitate an open exchange of emotion or explicit conversations in ways that build sexual and emotional intimacy.^1,25 Further, the internet enables people to explore new sexual practices or fantasies in safe ways^2,26 and has been an important space in which lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer and other gender-diverse people have sought community and connection.^22,27,28

This paper presents findings from an Australian survey that explored people’s engagement with a range of online sexual practices and their perceptions of the benefits and pleasures, as well as the risks, associated with those practices. The paper has two aims:

1. To identify a range of ways in which people engage with digital technologies in their sex lives and relationships and explore which practices are more common.

2. To explore what is perceived to be the most important benefits and most relevant risks or concerns associated with use of digital technologies in sex lives or relationships and whether these are associated with particular demographic characteristics or experiences using technologies.

Guiding these aims is an overarching interest in the ways people engage with digital technologies to establish, support or enhance sex and intimacy. The literature cited above suggests that the benefits of digital technologies can best be understood in the context of human relationships and intimacy, the pursuit of sexual pleasure, or to explore sexual identity and seek information and support for this.^1,4,22,29,30 The form and function of the technology is significant in that the internet enables affordable, accessible connection and the small, portable nature of smart devices enables constant and spontaneous communication, often involving visual communication via photos or video.^4,24,25 However, the functionality of devices or platforms does not wholly determine people’s use or experiences of technology within their sex or intimate lives. Rather, this is produced though the interaction between technologies, human action and human relationships. Online pornography, online dating, messaging and use of webcams are all part of an infrastructure that increasingly forms part of people’s sex lives and intimate relationships, producing unique forms of sexual communication, intimacy and experiences.^4,23 Drawing from this sociomaterial approach to understanding human interaction with technologies,²⁴ in this study, we explored the ways people engage with technologies in their sex lives, with a focus on sexual relationships, intimacies, experiences and pleasures.

The study is intended to lay groundwork for holistic digital sexual literacy education and effective legal, policy and educational responses that recognise the complexity and breadth of people’s online sexual experiences. This study is also intended to support further quantitative research into the use and impact of digital technologies in people’s sex and intimate lives by trialling previously untested measures regarding perceived benefits and risks in the context of human sexual relationships, intimacy and pleasure.

Data were collected when Australia and many parts of the world experienced an extended period of social lockdown due to the SARS-CoV-2 virus (i.e. the COVID-19 pandemic).³¹ Although one part of this study, to be published elsewhere, looked at the impact of lockdowns on people’s use of digital technologies, the broad aim was to explore use of digital technology in sex lives over people’s lifetimes, and that is what is reported here. That said, the pandemic and associated lockdowns provided a unique context for this study in that digital technologies were part of many people’s social and intimate lives in likely unprecedented ways.^24,32

Ethics approval was granted by the La Trobe University Human Research Ethics Committee (HEC20130). A cross-sectional survey of adults (aged ≥18 years) currently living in Australia was used to collect data via an online questionnaire. The survey was widely advertised on Facebook as a study about digital sex and intimacy, including use of technology to establish or maintain relationships. Participants could opt-in to the study by clicking a link that directed them to the questionnaire. Participants were advised that the survey was anonymous and that responses to all items were optional. Data were collected between May and July 2020. There were 445 valid responses. Although this is a relatively small sample drawn using convenience sampling, the aim of the study was to explore use of new digital technologies in sexual relationships rather than draw conclusions on the pattern of digital technology use across the population. Hence, the sample size and sampling strategy was appropriate.

Standard measures were used to gather information on: age; gender; sex assigned at birth; sexual orientation; country of birth; cultural identity; place of residence; Australian citizenship/residency status; religious affiliation; current household income; employment status; and highest level of education. Participants were also asked their current relationship status, whether they cohabited with their partner(s), and living arrangements at the time of the survey (e.g. live alone, live with others).

Participants were asked about the use of digital technologies in their sex lives and relationships, including: use of dating apps to arrange in-person hooks-ups, dates and/or to meet potential sexual or romantic partners; use of digital devices for sexual communication via texting or talking; production and/or dissemination of home-made pornography or sexual/naked self-images (sexting) or videos; and sending sexual self-images to someone met online or offline. Participants were also asked about perceived benefits of such practices, including sexual gratification or emotional closeness. Participants were also asked about whether they use technologies to view pornography online or to seek information about sex or sexual health.

Participants were asked about perceived benefits of digital technologies in three areas: access to information and sexual cultures; developing or enhancing sexual intimacy/connection; and whether technology facilitates sexual gratification. The items used were a combination of novel items developed for this survey as well as items adapted with permission from Lehmiller et al.,³ who reported on US adults’ use of digital technologies to facilitate sex and intimacy. Three benefits scales were created: (1) ‘access to information about sexual cultures’ (four items: e.g. ‘The internet has enabled me to explore sexual cultures I did not have access to previously’); (2) ‘sexual connection online’ (five items: e.g. ‘I feel more sexually connected to my partner(s) because of our online communication’); and (3) ‘sexual gratification from online sexual contact’ (four items: e.g. ‘I find it sexually gratifying or exciting to have sex online via a webcam with another person or persons’). All responses were measured on a five-point Likert scale, ranging from 1 (strongly agree) to 5 (strongly disagree). All three benefits scales yielded good estimates of internal consistency in this sample (α > 0.78).

To measure risks associated with the use of digital technologies for sex and intimacy, participants were asked to indicate the extent to which they were concerned about a defined set of circumstances and outcomes and the extent to which they worried about exposure associated with the use of digital technology related to sexual activity. Two risks scales were created to capture concerns about consequences: (1) ‘concerns about potential problems or consequences of online sexual engagement’ (four items: e.g. ‘sharing explicit or naked images or videos risks criminal prosecution’); and (2) ‘worries about unwanted exposure’ (five items: e.g. ‘I worry that if I search for pornography online, my search history will be seen by others’). Responses were measured on a four-point Likert scale, ranging from 1 (not at all concerned) to 4 (very concerned). Both scales yielded good estimates of internal consistency in this sample (α > 0.75).

Descriptive analysis was used to explore demographic characteristics and responses to the perceived risks and benefits statements. Bivariate analysis was undertaken to identify significant relationships between demographic variables and the use of technologies in relation to the risks and benefits scales. For continuous variables, correlation analyses using a Pearson’s product-moment test were conducted. For categorical variables, chi-squared tests of independence and t-tests were used. Multivariate analysis was not undertaken as bivariate findings pointed to a range of issues relevant to perceived risks and benefits of digital technologies and sex, as per the study aims.

Participant characteristics are described in Table 1. Some data were missing (range: 26.5–40.2%). Little’s missing completely at random (MCAR) test revealed all data were missing at random, P > 0.133, possibly reflecting fatigue or boredom effects as non-response rates increased toward the end of the questionnaire. Participant ages ranged from 18 to 80 years (M = 42.00, s.d. = 16.24). Most participants were female (58.5%) (inclusive of cisgender and transgender women) and identified as heterosexual (61.1%). Over half the participants were partnered (56.4%) and 36.2% were cohabiting with their partner. Most participants were born in Australia (71.7%) and identified as Caucasian/Anglo Saxon/White (67.4%). The majority indicated they did not hold religious views or affiliations (56%). The sample was well educated, with 65.3% holding a university qualification, and 60.0% were currently employed.

Table 1.  Characteristics of participants.

Viewing pornography online was the most common means by which participants used technology in their sex lives, with 60.3% reporting ‘ever’ having viewed pornography online, whereas 34.9% had used dating or hook-up apps ‘ever’ and 33.9% had sent sexual images (sexts) to a lover or partner whom they knew offline (Table 2). Participants were less likely to have sent sexual images to someone they did not know offline, with 13.6% reporting they had done so, and 20% had received an unsolicited sexualised message or image.

Table 2.  Use of online technology in participants' sex lives.

Those aged under 30 years were more likely than other age groups to have sent sexual images to partners (χ²[3455] = 32.95, P < 0.001), used the internet to seek information on sexual health (χ²[3275] = 26.06, P < 0.001), or have received unsolicited sexual images from another person (χ²[3455] = 12.86, P = 0.005; Table 3). Participants who had a sexual partner with whom they were not cohabiting were most likely to have used dating apps (χ²[2375] = 19.00, P < 0.001), sent sexual images to partners (χ²[2375] = 26.78, P < 0.001), or used the internet to find information on sexual health (χ²[2268] = 15.99, P < 0.001; Table 3).

Table 3.  Regular or occasional use of digital technology × characteristics of participants.

Men and gender non-binary people were more likely than women to have viewed pornography online (χ²[2426] = 23.29, P < 0.001); however, women and non-binary people were more likely than men to have sent sexual images to partners (χ²[2426] = 6.73, P = 0.035). With respect to sexual identity, participants who identified as lesbian, gay, bisexual/pansexual or queer were more likely than heterosexual participants to have used dating apps (χ²[1419] = 25.49, P < 0.001), sent sexual images to partners (χ²[1419] = 10.47, P = 0.002), sent images to someone met online (χ²[1419] = 16.30, P < 0.001), sought information about sexual health online (χ²[1275] = 13.32, P < 0.001), or to have received unsolicited sexual images (χ²[1419] = 28.22, P < 0.001; Table 3).

When asked whether information found online had helped them feel more comfortable about sex, 54.4% agreed, whereas 49.1% agreed that the internet had enabled them to explore sexual cultures to which they did not previously have access (Table 4). Participant characteristics associated with a greater likelihood of perceving benefits associated with accessing sexual information and cultures online included: being younger (r = −0.173, P = 0.006); identifying as lesbian, gay, bisexual/pansexual or queer (t[245] = –2.94, P = 0.004); past use of digital technology to view pornography (t[245] = 4.55, P = < 0.001); and having sent erotic/sexual images to partners (t[245] = 3.45, P < 0.001; Table 5).

Table 4.  Perceived benefits of sex online, n(%).

When asked about intimacy and sexual connection, 38.2% reported that they felt more emotionally connected to their partners due to online communication, 38.0% agreed that connecting with people online helped them develop closer connections, and 27.4% felt more sexually connected with partners due to online communication (Table 4). Participant characteristics associated with a greater sense of connection included: being younger (r = −0.131, P = 0.004); not cohabiting with partners (t[154] = −2.81, P = 0.005); experience in using digital technology to view pornography (t[247] = 2.63, P = 0.009); having sent sexual or naked images to someone met online (t[247] = 3.33, P = 0.001); or having sought information online about sexual health (t[237] = 3.67, P < 0.001; Table 5).

Table 5.  Perceived benefits (bivariate) of technology use according to participant characteristics and use of technologies in sex life, n (%)

There were 30.9% who indicated they found it sexually gratifying to share sexual text messages with someone they met online, whereas 30.6% indicated they found it sexually gratifying to receive erotic or sexual images from someone they had met online (Table 4). Participant characteristics associated with a greater sense of gratification included: being male (t[220] = 4.30, P < 0.001); not cohabiting with a partner (t[140] = −4.14, P < 0.001); being born overseas (t[241] = −2.97, P = 0.002); experience in using digital technology to view pornography (t[241] = 7.43, P < 0.001); having sent sexual images to a partner (t[241] = 7.15, P < 0.001); having sent images to someone they met online (t[241] = 8.19, P < 0.001); or having sought information about sexual health online (t[210] = 3.53, P < 0.001; Table 5).

When asked about their level of concern with potentially negative consequences of online sexual engagements, participants were most likely to agree that sharing naked or explicit images or videos could cause them embarrassment (58.7%), or that online sexual engagement could cause them problems in the workplace (51.3%; Table 6). Participant characteristics associated with a greater sense of concern about potential consequences or problems included: identifying as heterosexual (t[246] = 4.52, P < 0.001); never having sent sexual images to a partner (t[246] = −3.47, P = 0.001); and having less experience in using the internet to search for information on sexual health (t[246] = −1.98, P = 0.049; Table 7).

Table 6.  Concerns and perceived problems and knowledge of law, n (%).

Table 7.  Risk and concerns (bivariate) about technology according to characteristics of participants and use of technologies in their sex life, n (%).

In relation to the potential exposure of their digital sexual histories, 50.8% indicated that they worried their search history could be seen by others if they searched for pornography, and 26.0% indicated they worried that their data might be hacked if they shopped for sex products online. A similar number (24.0%) worried about providing personal contact details when shopping for sex products online (Table 6). Participant characteristics associated with greater concerns about potential exposure were: being female (t[247] = −2.33, P = 0.021); not cohabiting with a partner (t[165] = 2.14, P = 0.034); earning >AUD50 000 per annum (household income; t[267] = −2.82, P = 0.005); and never having sent sexual messages to a partner (t[267] = −3.45, P = 0.001) or to a person known only online (t[267] = −3.49, P = 0.001; Table 7).

When asked about knowledge of copyright and ownership of digital content, 85.9% were confident that sending or uploading an image meant that they lost control of where those images appeared, and 77.3% agreed that sharing explicit images of other people risked criminal prosecution in some circumstances. Participants reported uncertainty about whether uploading a sexual image to a website meant the website then owned the image; 56.1% agreed that the website would own those images, but 21.2% did not know. In addition, 19.0% indicated they did not know if they had a legal right to ask for their images to be removed from a website (Table 6).

This paper contributes to a body of research striving to understand how new digital technologies enhance and facilitate face-to-face and digitally mediated sex and intimacy, while also exploring how people perceive associated risks and problems. The purpose is to build a nuanced understanding of the ways people engage with technologies in their sex lives and relationships to inform educational, health promotion, legal and policy responses to potential risks. People rarely take risks with their health or safety outside a context in which they are seeking some form of benefit or human connection. A better understanding of this context will lead to more appropriately targeted responses.

The findings from this study align with previous research that has shown the use of the internet to view pornography and to seek casual partners via dating apps or websites is not uncommon.^33,34 Indeed, nearly half the participants had viewed pornography online, and almost one in three had used dating apps at some point in their lives. However, these findings also suggest that digital technology plays an ongoing part in people’s relationships, and is not simply a medium through which people meet sexual or romantic partners. The use of technology to seek sexual intimacy or gratification was common among participants who were in non-cohabiting relationships, and these participants were more likely to report that online communication facilitated a sense of sexual or emotional connection with partners and that online sexual communication was sexually gratifying.

Interestingly, people who were born overseas were more likely to report receiving sexual gratification from digitally mediated sex. Although these findings cannot explain why this is so, previous research has indicated that migrants often connect with people from their home countries via dating apps or stay in touch with lovers/partners via digital technologies (phones, text, webcams). Dating apps may also provide a way for newly arrived or temporary migrants to engage in social or dating cultures in their ‘new’ country.^35–37

There is a tendency for digital communication to be viewed as superficial or inferior to face-to-face contact or physical intimacy, or as something that people do only when physical contact is not an option.^24,38,39 Although digital communication may not replicate the experience of physical intimacy, the perception of it being inferior ignores the possibility that digital technologies offer a unique medium for facilitating sexual or emotional connections between people.^{22,38,40–42} Technology may also provide opportunities for people to explore or understand their sexuality or sexual connections in ways not available offline or elsewhere in daily life.^43–46 The findings from this study confirm technologies provided both these experiences for participants. More than half reported that information they found online helped them to feel more comfortable with sex, and just under half agreed that the internet had enabled them to explore sexual cultures to which they had no previous access. In addition, more than one in three agreed that connecting with someone online helped them achieve a greater sense of sexual or emotional intimacy with that person.

Lesbian, gay, bisexual or queer participants in this study were more likely than heterosexual participants to have used dating apps, met someone online, sent sexualised images to another person, or sought sexual health information online. These findings reflect gay and bisexual men’s early adoption of mobile phone hook-up technologies⁴⁷ and the part that online spaces play in connecting people of diverse sexualities.⁴⁸ For these reasons, technology may be more integrated into the sex and social lives of lesbian, gay, bisexual or queer people than it is for heterosexual people. This is important given the internet is a key site through which specific lesbian, gay, bisexual or queer sexuality education can be made available to young people and school-leavers who have not had access to such content in school-based sexuality education.^49,50

There were distinctly gendered patterns in these findings. Women were less likely than people of other genders to report accessing pornography online but were more likely, along with non-binary people, to have sent sexualised or naked images of themselves to people met online. Men were more likely than people of other genders to report that they received sexual gratification from the use of digital technologies in their sex lives. These findings are not surprising given men are generally afforded greater freedom than women to express sexual desire or gratification,^51,52 and sexualised images and pornography are more commonly created for a heterosexual male gaze.^53,54 Women, particularly young women, may feel more pressure than men to send naked images to sexual partners.⁵⁵

Participants in this study, particularly women, were also aware of a range of personal, reputational and employment harms that could result from non-consensual use of data and audio-visual materials derived from digital technologies. Given well-publicised media reports and research on such harms,^9,56–59 there is good reason to be aware of such risks.^15,60 Participants were, however, less certain about their rights regarding ownership or control of digital content. Legislative reforms may need to be supported by initiatives that aim to educate users on legal consent, ownership and privacy associated with digital sexual data and audio-visual materials, and what legal or other redress is available to those who suffer harm arising from non-consensual sharing of digital images (A Farrell, N Shackleton, E Agnew, unpubl. data).^15,61

Revealing information on personal sexual and intimate practice can be uncomfortable for some, particularly concerning practices that might be considered harmful or shameful. Hence, responses may have been influenced by some social desirability bias.

Findings from this study build on existing work²² to show that people’s digital sexual experiences are often about engaging sexual intimacies, and that pleasure and connection are part of many people’s online sexual experiences, even where risks are present.^1,10,29 As we know from decades of research on sexual health education,^62–64 people’s choices and actions in sex and relationships rarely stem from simple, rational choices about risk and safety. Rather, choices and actions sit within a context of social, cultural and sexual practices and pleasures, as well as gendered relationships and patterns of inequality.^27,65 Understanding what people perceive to be the benefits of online sexual engagements, as well as the risks people take and how these are perceived in relation to – and in balance with – pleasure and intimacy, is necessary for developing comprehensive educational and legal responses that build people’s confidence and capacity to engage safely with digital technologies and online environments.

Data are available on request subject to appropriate ethics/institutional review board approval. Please contact the corresponding author.

The authors have no conflicts of interest to declare.

This project was funded by an Australian Research Council Discovery Grant (DP190102027).